Please ...

And I reached to that stage that I cant fool myself anymore

But I cant accept the fact that you left already

You are not coming back 

I know it but i hate to admit it 

And I wont 

i wont

Though you fucked me up all these years and I still blame myself for that not you, 

But I don't want a life without you

I just cant live without you 

Can you fucking get it????

It kills me 

It kills me for real and seriously I don't know how far I can go cause everything started to clash and I don't simply feel weak, I collapse every now and then 

Everyone around thinks that its just the side effects of something i have 

But I know that its not

Its you

The side effects of YOU!

Im not just broken inside

I feel like there is a huge hole inside me 

It hurts me

Too much pain

i cant take it hun

I cant handle this pain

So please just come back 

Just come back

I need you for real

I need you to be able to breath without pipes and needles ...

What about you dear?

You know, seeing all these happy couples around me made me think, whats really missing from my world to be as happy as they are. Of course everyone has his own problems and insecurities, his own fears and wounds, but it seems like everyone in this world except us are alive!

You know, you and I, are just a couple of lost souls that can't find the light in their way.
So lost that they are scared to step froward or go backward, stuck in their place for over two years.

Why? I keep asking myself this question but I never found a good answer for that!
I'm scared to move forward cause i'm scared... Scared of being in that position where I'll have to fight another battle though I didn't finish yet from my first!
And I'm scared to go backward because I'm really frightened of the idea that you will hurt me even worst than the previous times. I'm not sure how though, cause it seems like you destroyed every single piece of me and left me badly wounded, shattered into million pieces that even billion years won't heal a single inch of me!
Yup you were that bad, wait, way worst than you can imagine hun...

But, you know what surprise me the most, that I still do love you and I can't hate you!

You may lied about loving me,  but I didn't lie when I said that I am madly in love with you, and losing you will fuck up my whole life ...

Guess what? I am fucked up at the moment, more than you can imagine  and thats why I am too scared to move from where I am
But what about you dear?