The dream just turned to reality

There you are again, standing in the corner, watching me from a short distance, maybe thinking about how beautiful I am or what a great match we are, or maybe just standing there staring into an empty space, and your mind is totally lost on something else…

But I don’t mind, as long as you are there in that corner, watching me from a  short distance, closer than ever, more painful than ever, but close and thats what I want….

I ask you, or maybe I begged you in a low tune to come closer, but you didn't, you just stood there smiling.
You are comfortable where you are, so I had to shut my mouth so that I won't make you go further from me. I looked at you, we had a really long eye contact, it made me think of how fucked up I became after loving you. I started thinking about our first date, and our first breakup which was just few days after our date. Our second and third dates, and our second breakup of course. Since you are standing here in front of me, it also made me think of how will our third breakup be this time ..
Will you simply disappear without saying a word? or you will try your best to break every inch of me? or should I say whats left of me!

I should stop thinking about breakups and the negative things, I should focus more on the positive side, that you are here in my life again!
Though it hurts as much as you weren't, but unfortunately, that "Hope" candle inside me is still bright as fuck and I can't blow it off no matter how hard I try...

I’m tired from trying to get over you, so i decided to give up my life, heart, pride, everything for you…

I love you, more than you could ever imagine, and I may not be the love of your life, but definitely you are the love of mine <3

I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you

You make me a different, better person

You remind me of the old me, the good things about me that I gave them up after our break up …

Before turning into a ‘soul less’ person that is so dead from the inside, but … I’m alive now because you are here in my life, beside me, even though it feels like we are million miles away from each other, but you are mine and I am yours

The dream just turned to reality 

Stop

Can you just stop torturing me with this love?
I love you and crazy about you, but with this crazy love and the pain I suffer from loving you, don't think that I'm gonna stay forever!

There is a limit to everything, I'm just getting myself together, and once I am able to stand on my feet alone, once I can survive without you, I will leave ...

AM I OK?

I never thought that it will be this hard!
Yes I expected it to be hard but not this much ...
I thought that once we will be together I will finally be able to sleep without sinking into my own tears, I thought that all these nightmares witl end, and I will stand on my feet again, feel strong, confident, stop hallucinating and overthinking about everything especially when it comes to you...

But,
It's totally the opposite!
Now,
I scream more than I cry,
I burn more than I grief,
And I see you even when my eyes are open, not only when I close them ...

It hurts, your love hurts, hurts really bad and its just a matter of time, and I will collapse,
I feel like someday, soon, this heart thats beating for you, will stop because of YOU!


You know that we can be much better than this,
And i'm willing to give you everything you ask for,
But what the fuck is holding you back from being what I want you to?  Be with me in my worst? Be with me when I can't sleep? When the monsters come out at me!
You know that i'm having sleeping disorders and eating disorders as well, nightmares and all that shit that shows that I'm not OK, that I need you more than ever ...
Can you just ask How am I doing?
Ask how my day was?
Am I OK?
Am I OK?
Am I OK?

Of course I would lie and say no hun I'm fine, I'm still breathing and this heart *unfortunately* is still beating...

When love hurts, thats how you know its true

And Love is the only thing you cant ignore, no matter how hurtful it is ...

You are the reason behind my smile, my laugh, my existence

But at the same time, you are the reason behind my sadness and tears ...

With you, I laugh and smile, feel alive again

But when you leave, even for few hours, I fall into pieces ...

I cuddle myself with my own blanket, trying to warm myself up in this cold weather because you are not here,

I cover myself with my own pillow and scream out of my lungs because you are out of reach,

I listen to all types of music, rap rock country, just to stop the hallucination of your voice,

You can see how crazy I am to you, 

Being with you, is all I want

I dont care if we are just friends, besties or couples ..  though I wish we stay as all of them

I love you, and "Love you" doesn't really express even half of the love I have for you inside my heart

All I want is you, and im so not ready to live a single day on this earth without you in my life

Jar of Hearts

I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

And I've learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

And it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
'Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
Tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

In the middle of an ocean of confusion

But I can’t be with you at the same time… The idea of wanting you but can’t be with you, is really fucking me up
I don’t know whats between us and how you want me to be, but all I know is that I can’t go on like this…I love you, I am crazy about you and you know it, but from the way you treat me, you are pushing me away...
I hate you for being so dry with me, I need you to make me feel like you do love me, not just playing around..I want you to make me feel that you care about me, need me around you, miss me sometimes, miss chatting with me, or anything that makes me feel like there is something real between us not just me hallucinating…I thought that once we get back together we will get back together, it never occurred to me that I have to try hard to make you make me feel loved! It’s crazy, it’s hard and I don’t think that it will ever get easier. I don’t know if should I back off now and see what happens, or should I keep try hard…It’s annoying, being in this situation where you are in the middle of an ocean of confusion.You need to keep on sailing under a heavy thunderstorm and try to control the ship to not dying. You don’t know when this thunderstorm will ever stop, and all you gotta do to survive is to try hard to control everything.