At the pier

At that exact moment, I was laying in the dark on my bed staring at the roof and all I see is fake plastic stars just like this world is filled with fake people. At night, thinking about him is all I do. Nothing really can make me forget about him for a second which fucks up my days and night.

Suddenly, my phone light up, a new message notification from him!

My heart started beating harder and faster, and I did nothing except looking at my phone till the light faded away, trying my best to stay calm as million thoughts rotate inside my head. After few moments I decided to face my fear and read the message.

“We have to meet” he said,

“When?” I replied, don’t know why I even said that.

After few seconds he replied “Now?”

I felt like my heart is about to explode not just beat harder and harder. “Sure, Where?” I said with my hands shaking, 

“See you at the Pier”.

I wasn’t bothered to put on makeup or wear something special, I put on my Hodi and went out directly. It was a cold quiet night, and my head is over filled with thoughts and fear so I just decided to suck up everything and put my head phones on, maybe it will help in calming me down.

I saw him standing from a distance, unfortunately now I have to face my biggest fear, love and pain. I stepped closer and he saw me, I felt like my heart fell to my feet. Can I go back? Or it’s too late for that? Well, I guess it’s just too late.

“Hey” he said and I answered with a fake smile as I try to hide my nervousness.

“How are you” he said,

“I’m fine, what about you?”

“I’m Ok”

Oops, something bad is about to happen.

I smiled at him, that’s the least I can do in this situation and we stayed quiet for moments staring at the waves as they crash onto the sands and drag everything back with them and all I was in my head is, can these waves drag me inside that mysterious see now?

And finally he broke the silence “I’m sorry for everything I did to you, and what I made you go through”

I couldn’t reply at that, I was so busy trying to not cry!

“We can’t talk anymore, we need to move on with our lives and consider everything between us as something happened in the past and ended” He said, breaking the pieces left of me. What could be harsher than that? Couldn’t hold it anymore I let out a light laugh with tears falling from my eyes rapidly.

“We weren’t even talking or chatting, and if you wanted to end things, why the fuck did you ask to meet me? Why didn’t you do it on the phone? Why? Why do you have to hurt me more and more and you know it?” And I asked many unanswered questions in my head, screaming at him, crying at him, and without any introductions, I crashed into the ground, couldn’t stand anymore on my feet, couldn’t ‘Act’ strong anymore.

“I’m sorry Abbi” he said and stayed watching me on the floor crying in pain.

“Just leave” I said quietly but he didn’t.

I couldn’t look at him in the eye, so I just continued crying while staring at the waves, wishing that one of the waves will drag me to the deepest part in the sea and never let me leave.